The experiences of yesterday evening compel me to post this list of tips for outdoors folk who need to keep their feet in tip-top condition:
- DO NOT struggle all day to put up a new bathroom ceiling on your own
- DO NOT lose your temper with the above to the point where the red mist descends
- DO NOT sling your tools across the room in a fit of pique
- DO NOT rant around the house swearing like a demented Coprolalia sufferer
- DO NOT decide that the best way to manage your anger is to take it out on a "convenient soft inanimate object"
- DO NOT single out the blue bag for recycling waste paper as your chosen "convenient soft inanimate object"
- DO NOT kick seven shades of crap out of the chosen "convenient soft inanimate object"
- DO NOT recoil in agony when you find that somebody has filled the chosen "convenient soft inanimate object" with a huge pile of telephone directories and old BBC Good Food magazines
- DO NOT remove your footwear to find that what was your size 8 foot is now at least a size 10 and has changed colour from a pallid flesh tone to a combination of black, blue, purple and brown blotches
- DO NOT expect any sympathy from the rest of the household when it's time to walk the kids to school the next morning
😥
THE SMALL(ish) PRINT... (updated 23/07/2016)
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