Rivers of Blood

Posted by @ 12:04 pm on Tuesday 3rd February, 2009.
Categories: Illness and injury, LMAO!

So there I was, in the kitchen, standing proud in front of a stack of well-washed crockery. After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing I was contemplating the drying stage when I noticed a small pool of blood on the worktop. I mopped it up and then noticed more on the floor, forming a trail that led into the lounge.

I duly cleaned all that too, and returned to the sink to rinse my hands. On the worktop was more blood...

Absolutely convinced that I'd already mopped it up, I did the job again, only to notice another trail back to the lounge. Off I went again, cloth in hand, in clean-up mode.

Back in the kitchen there was yet more blood. On worktops, appliances, towels, door-handles... Hmm...

While cleaning up the mess and trying to suss the mystery, I saw red-brown streaks all over the recently-washed crockery, so I washed it again. Standing there, I noticed that my Raichles were starting to stick to the floor, so I looked down to find that I was standing in a puddle of the red stuff. Moreover, the stuff was on my trousers and cuffs. And it was p155ing out of my finger. A neat, deep, clean cut, no doubt accidentally self-inflicted during the washing-up process.

Only then did I realise that I'd been tracking and recreating my own trails, in a bizarre Robinson-Crusoe-footprints-on-the-beach sort of way.

What a pillock.

But what about the first trail to the lounge?

Just after finishing the initial load of washing-up, I'd emptied the tumble-drying contraption and carried the clean/dry clothes to the ironing-basket in the lounge. Needless to say, I'm now doing the laundry... again...


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5 Responses to “Rivers of Blood”

  1. Alistair says:

    superb! Just as well you noticed it was you that was bleeding!

  2. Shirley says:

    I sometimes think there is more danger in the home than on the hills!!
    I walked up to a Hut in Austria once, in places it was near steep drops and I was scared and being very slow & very careful. But I did it. Then, back in the Hostel - After a lovely shower, what did I do? Go flying, slipping on my backside on a wet patch on the floor!
    Stick to the hills!

  3. Mike Bell says:

    I've done that too. I was working in a pub and sliced my finger whilst washing glasses. It does piss out doesn't it?

    But it didn't hurt half as much as the 14mm staple I fired through the boat into the tip of my forefinger 2 weeks ago.


  4. BG! says:

    LOL (and ouch!) @ you lot.

    I can stand the blood, and the pain if there is any, but it's the feeling of total stupidity that hurts the most. 🙁

  5. Andy Howell says:

    I'm glad it's not just me that leaves a trail of disaster everywhere 🙂

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