Compare the Meerkats:
A sad victim of last month's hailstorm
Archive for the 'Just for fun' Category
Not for me, thanks
I suppose it's a matter of taste, but I'll be reviewing my policy on foreign foods...
🙄
Thanks to Geoff for the pic.
Open the boiler-room doors, HAL
I'll assume that you know the "Ernie" tune...
You could hear his bubbles pound as they raced above the lounge,
And the clatter of his fan as it spun 'round and 'round.
And he gurgled in the attic, his badge upon his chest,
His name was Halstead, and he filled the hottest bath-tub in the west.
Now Halstead liked a gasman, a fitter known as Geoff,
Who lived at the bar of the local pub - a place well-known by Stef.
They said Geoff was too good for Hal; he was quiet, dour and blear.
But Halstead got repaired by him three times every year.
They called him Halstead, (Halsteeeeaaaaad)
And he filled the hottest bath-tub in the west.
Hal said he'd like to work like new, Geoff said, "All right, my man,"
So when he'd finished work one night he turned up in his van.
He said, "D'you want it pumping up? Pressurised like new?"
Hal said, "Gasman, I'll be happy if you just clean out my flue."
That tickled old Halstead, (Halsteeeeaaaaad)
And he filled the hottest bath-tub in the west.
Now Halstead went a knacker, so a greener bit of kit,
Called Eco Tec from Vaillant, was scheduled to be fit.
Tec tempted Stef with his flow-rate charts and his economy of gas,
And comparing his spec with the Halstead wreck it was clear that he'd kick ass.
Stef nearly swooned as the costs ballooned but Tec said, "Treat me right,
And you'll have hot baths every morning and showers every night."
Tec knew once he sampled his steamy flow he'd have his wicked way,
And all Halstead had to offer was a basin-full each day.
Poor Halstead, (Halsteeeeaaaaad)
He used to fill the hottest bath-tub in the west.
One morning Tec saw Geoff’s white fitter’s van outside Stef's door,
It didn’t surprise him to find it was still there at half past four.
Tec seemed all-appealing, economical, bright and new,
But Hal had hiked the gas-bill, and now Stef's debt was due.
And he owed it to Scottish Power, (Scottish Powerrrrrrr)
And they fuelled the most-expensive hot bath in the west.
Now Hal was dropped down from the wall, his stop-cock in a jam,
He said, "If you wanna replace me, impress the fitter-man."
"Oh why don't we fill sinks for him?" Tec sneeringly replied,
"And just to make it interesting we'll have a foot-bath on the side."
Halstead dragged him from his box and beneath the blazing sun,
They stood there fascia to fascia, Tec went for Geoff’s gas-gun.
But Halstead was too quick, things didn't go the way Tec planned,
And a Fernox-spattered spanner sent it spinning from his hand.
Now Geoff he ran between them and tried to keep them apart,
And Halstead pushed him aside but a MagnaClean caught him underneath his heart.
And as he looked up in pained surprise, he saw the lack of rust,
On a shiny new bracket that hit him in the packet and Halstead bit the dust.
Poor Halstead, (Halsteeeeaaaaad)
He couldn’t fill the hottest bath-tub in the west.
Halstead was only 17, he didn't wanna die,
Now he's gone to heat up water for that sauna in the sky.
Where the customers are filthy so there’s always soap to hand,
And a combi’s life is full of fun in that steamy hot-tub land.
But a family's needs are many fold...
so Stef he purchased Tec,
But strange things happened on commissioning night as the folks lay in their beds.
Was that the pump a-grinding? Or the flue-fan just free-wheeling?
Or Halstead's ghostly pipe-work still rattling in the ceiling?
They won't forget Halstead, (Halsteeeeaaaaad)
He used to fill the hottest bath-tub in the west.
I need to get out more so I'll get me coat... and me spanners 😳
I'll apologise to BH while I'm out.
Halstead (Hal) Quattro
1995 - 2012
Rust in Peace
No weather today
Due to cut-backs at the Met Office there will be no weather today...
Another Centurion
Congratulations go to Alan Sloman, whose tally of comments here reached the 100 mark a short while ago.
I thought that this might be a suitable pic, seeing as he's such a high-flier 😀
Pic shamelessly-ripped from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NASA_Centurion#Centurion
Human shield
The man came to read the meters this morning. While he was here he warned us that the JWs were doing the rounds. He's no great fan of them - if his job takes him to houses that the JWs have just left, the occupiers often refuse to answer their doors again lest they be subjected to second doses of anti-Satanism, so he has to wait a while and it puts him behind schedule.
Anyway, forewarned is forearmed...
Over the years I've used a wide range of tactics to be rid of the doorstep menace. Examples as follows:
- I've tried reasoning with them;
- I've tried their own tactic, trying to force my faith onto them;
- I've answered the door bedecked with cameras, lenses and other photographer's kit, and told them to get upstairs to the bedroom and undressed quickly as they were over an hour late for the photo-shoot;
- One time, when I was a student, I even invited them in. I plied them with much tea and coffee and kept the debate going non-stop for over five hours. Eventually they needed the loo, when I told then that it was broken they left in a hurry and never came back.
I could see them approaching the house... I rifled through the mental list of rebuffs that I've built up over the years but none of them seemed suitable... I'd have to wing it.
Then came the knock on the door. Why they always eschew the doorbell option is beyond me. Maybe it's too technologically-advanced for them? Who can say?
Anyway, I opened the door and drew breath in order to deliver the following one-liner:
"You've called at a really bad time - I'm in the middle of a training-course to become an evil fascist dictator, please go away!"
but the annoying sods took the wind right out of my sails - the woman said "Here's Harry, he has something for you" and proceeded to thrust before me a previously-concealed small reluctant-looking boy brandishing a copy of The Watchtower.
WTF? God-fearing adults using kids to do their evangelising in public? That's just plain wrong.
I was polite to Harry - I thanked him and declined his outstretched Watchtower. I gave his attendants short shrift and glared at them as they manoeuvred him to the next house in the row.
They'll be back. God help them if they're not protected by children.
