Posts tagged 'Observatory shed'

Suckers for punishment

Posted by on May 6th 2009 in A bit of a rant

Today I had need to visit the infamous shed-losing DIY store again. Just out of curiosity, I had a look around in the yard to see what they'd done with the duff panel that I sent back. Yes, you guessed it - they've put it in with the rest of the bits of the other 7x7 shed, so it's for sale again. I know that it's the same panel, because I marked it with a water-based marker-pen where it wouldn't show. Sometime soon, some poor sod's going to buy that shed and then have to jump through the same fiery hoops as I did trying to get the same duff panel exchanged.

I'd have thought that the staff would have had enough hassle over this item, but they seem ready to start the cycle all over again.

It just beggars belief.


Belt and braces

Posted by on May 2nd 2009 in A bit of a rant, Thanks, Video (YouTube, Vimeo etc.)

Despite having the solemn promise about the replacement shed-panel delivery this afternoon, I just didn't trust them. Would you? Just letting things happen was getting me nowhere - I knew that I would have to make things happen. I'm good at that.

I called in unannounced at about 11a.m. and went straight to the back yard of the store to see what had happened to the replacement panel... it wasn't on the trolley... it wasn't in the goods-out area... it wasn't in the main store... it was back where we had found it on Thursday, buried under the rest of the bits of the other flat-packed 7x7. Somebody had been playing silly-buggers.

Back at the Customer Services desk I found the assistant that I had helped to sort out the panel on Thursday. He was genuinely shocked when I told him that the panel-swap had not taken place on Friday, and was gobsmacked when I showed him where said panel had ended up. He was apologetic to me, and we sorted the panel again.

I made it absolutely plain to him, and to everybody else within earshot at the tills and Customer Services desk, that I had had more than enough of this crap, and that the shit would fly fast and far very soon if I didn't get proper Customer Service. I even threatened to decorate the front of their building in a similar manner to the way that "Romanes eunt domus" was painted onto the walls of the Governor's Palace in Monty Python's Life of Brian. They thought that I was joking, but I wasn't.

He phoned the delivery contractors to find out when they would be arriving to do their pick-up - they would be there in about 20 minutes. We carried the panel to the goods-out area where I made him put a big instruction label on the panel, then I just stood there and waited - there was no way that I was going to leave until I had actually witnessed both the loading of the goods and the instruction of the driver.

After a few more minutes the van arrived and I watched the loading and the instruction - eventually I was happy enough to leave them to it, after I'd told them all about my shit/fan/impact prediction. I thanked the assistant and then went home to wait.

And an hour or so later, it was delivered. No ceremony, no recrimination, no hassle, just a bit of friendly banter and leg-pulling.

So here's a big thanks to Ben, the one assistant that had the balls to seize the horns of his dilemma, wrestle the beast to the ground and then stand triumphantly above it in his hour of victory.

Nice one, Ben!

The van men didn’t cometh back

Posted by on May 1st 2009 in A bit of a rant

True to form, the replacement panel (the one that I helped the store assistant to sort out and set aside on a trolley) didn't arrive this morning as promised. The long and detailed instruction note that the assistant left for the morning-shift was summarily ignored by all and sundry until after the delivery contractors had loaded up, done their morning rounds and then gone home. Realising their error, the staff then couldn't be arsed to call me and explain their cock-up, so it was left to me to phone them yet again and call them a bunch of incompetent *%$££^*(s.

No apology was forthcoming.

I now have a solemn promise that the panel will be replaced tomorrow afternoon (they don't do morning deliveries on Saturday).

I hope that they keep to their end of the bargain - if they don't, there'll be hell to pay. I'll make sure of that.

The van men cometh

Posted by on April 30th 2009 in A bit of a rant

Against all the odds, the fabled “Lost Shed of Olde Hinckley Town” was indeed delivered here yesterday. Things were looking up, and I thought that the situation had been resolved.

But it wasn't to be.

This morning I went out to begin assembling the thing, but the exercise was shortlived after I had one of those "WTF?" moments. The tools were packed away again and I arrived at the store a few minutes later. Rather foolishly, the staff had neglected to don their flak-jackets...

Right, Sir, what can we do for you?

Well, you could start by not sending me a shed with a skewed plain end that's clearly been assembled by feckin' morons and then quality-checked by Ray Charles!

Oh. Oh dear. How bad is it?


We went into the back yard and found another 7x7 strapped up as a bundle, as delivered from the supplier. I helped the assistant to take the required panel from the bundle, and set it aside on a trolley, ready to be sent to me.

The replacement panel will be here mañana, allegedly.

Despite all evidence to the contrary…

Posted by on April 28th 2009 in A bit of a rant

... it seems that tomorrow will herald in the period previously referred to as "mid-May"! Word has reached my ears that the fabled "Lost Shed of Olde Hinckley Town" will be delivered here tomorrow morning, even though "There are none available anywhere in the system" . Could it be that the power of the internet has had some influence?

Anyway, the story could change again at any time. I'm not holding my breath.

Still not quite in Focus

Posted by on April 28th 2009 in A bit of a rant

I called in on spec yesterday evening to get a sitrep. The didn't "quote me happy". Their computer said "no", so they made a few phone calls to confirm the bad news... "There are none available anywhere in the system. Realistically, there's no chance of us getting your shed for you before mid-May" .


Not quite in Focus

Posted by on April 26th 2009 in A bit of a rant

It went something like this...



I'd like to buy a shed, please.

Yes, Sir. Which one?

The 7x7 shiplap.

I'll just check the stock... yes, we have two in stock. Will you collect, or do you want us to deliver it for an extra £20?

I'll collect it tomorrow.

OK, just phone us an hour before you want to collect it so that we can have it ready for you. That'll be £££, please.

The deal is done.



Hello. I'm calling to let you know that I'll be there in an hour or so to collect my shed. The order number is #######.

OK, I'll just check that. Yes, it's still in stock and has your name against it. We'll have it ready for you.

One hour later...

Hello, I've come to collect the 7x7 shed, order number #######. The van's in the car-park.

OK, I'll just go and get it.

It should be ready - I phoned an hour ago, just like you asked.

We've been a bit busy.

10 minutes later...

There seems to be a problem. It's not there. The computer's showing two on the stock, there's one out the back on display but the other one's not actually in the stock.

So you've lost my shed? You could have told me that before I got here, that's what the one hour of notice was for.

Much confusion ensued.

15 minutes later...

We've got some options here. There are plenty of 6x8s in stock.

That's no good - I've just built a 7x7 base.

Hmm... we'll phone around the other local stores and get a 7x7 for you as soon as possible.

Well, that's no good either. I've got a van and a driver waiting here, I can't afford to pay him again to pick up on another day.

Under the circumstances, we'll deliver it F.O.C.

OK. When?

We'll tell you that when we've found one.

OK, I can't wait any longer, so we're off now. Call me on the mobile as soon as you know what's going on.

Ten minutes later...

We've located a shed for you at (another store, many miles away). When would you like it to be delivered?

Thursday, please.

OK, that's booked, it'll be delivered direct from (the other store) sometime on Thursday.

Thank you.

Thursday... late on Thursday:

Hello, I'm still waiting for my shed. The "lost" 7x7 that's supposed to be delivered here today. Order number #######. It's getting late and there's no sign of it.

The driver went to collect it but it was damaged so he left it there. He says that he phoned you and told you about it.

That's bullshit. Nobody's called me all day. If he'd called me, why would I be calling you now?

Er... um... I'll talk to my manager and get him to call you.

You've got one hour before I lose my rag.

I understand.

A while later...

Hello. I'm sorry about the confusion. It turns out that (our company) has sold thousands of these sheds during the sale, but the supplier can only make 200 a week, so there are supply problems. We're doing the best we can, and appreciate that you're upset. We need to get this problem sorted, we'll call you back on Monday. Is that OK with you?

I suppose so. Look, I could do with a job. Can I work for you as a driver? I can drive and I'm really good at bullshitting, so I am qualified.


It's not funny. This driver - how do you explain his actions?

It was his first day.

Say what? It's OK to lie on your first day? I'll have to remember that when I start my next job.

We'll have a word with him.

Yes, do so before I do. I'll expect to hear something good on Monday.

To be continued...

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