It went something like this...
I'd like to buy a shed, please.
Yes, Sir. Which one?
The 7x7 shiplap.
I'll just check the stock... yes, we have two in stock. Will you collect, or do you want us to deliver it for an extra £20?
I'll collect it tomorrow.
OK, just phone us an hour before you want to collect it so that we can have it ready for you. That'll be £££, please.
The deal is done.
Hello. I'm calling to let you know that I'll be there in an hour or so to collect my shed. The order number is #######.
OK, I'll just check that. Yes, it's still in stock and has your name against it. We'll have it ready for you.
One hour later...
Hello, I've come to collect the 7x7 shed, order number #######. The van's in the car-park.
OK, I'll just go and get it.
It should be ready - I phoned an hour ago, just like you asked.
We've been a bit busy.
10 minutes later...
There seems to be a problem. It's not there. The computer's showing two on the stock, there's one out the back on display but the other one's not actually in the stock.
So you've lost my shed? You could have told me that before I got here, that's what the one hour of notice was for.
Much confusion ensued.
15 minutes later...
We've got some options here. There are plenty of 6x8s in stock.
That's no good - I've just built a 7x7 base.
Hmm... we'll phone around the other local stores and get a 7x7 for you as soon as possible.
Well, that's no good either. I've got a van and a driver waiting here, I can't afford to pay him again to pick up on another day.
Under the circumstances, we'll deliver it F.O.C.
We'll tell you that when we've found one.
OK, I can't wait any longer, so we're off now. Call me on the mobile as soon as you know what's going on.
Ten minutes later...
We've located a shed for you at (another store, many miles away). When would you like it to be delivered?
OK, that's booked, it'll be delivered direct from (the other store) sometime on Thursday.
Thursday... late on Thursday:
Hello, I'm still waiting for my shed. The "lost" 7x7 that's supposed to be delivered here today. Order number #######. It's getting late and there's no sign of it.
The driver went to collect it but it was damaged so he left it there. He says that he phoned you and told you about it.
That's bullshit. Nobody's called me all day. If he'd called me, why would I be calling you now?
Er... um... I'll talk to my manager and get him to call you.
You've got one hour before I lose my rag.
A while later...
Hello. I'm sorry about the confusion. It turns out that (our company) has sold thousands of these sheds during the sale, but the supplier can only make 200 a week, so there are supply problems. We're doing the best we can, and appreciate that you're upset. We need to get this problem sorted, we'll call you back on Monday. Is that OK with you?
I suppose so. Look, I could do with a job. Can I work for you as a driver? I can drive and I'm really good at bullshitting, so I am qualified.
It's not funny. This driver - how do you explain his actions?
It was his first day.
Say what? It's OK to lie on your first day? I'll have to remember that when I start my next job.
We'll have a word with him.
Yes, do so before I do. I'll expect to hear something good on Monday.
To be continued...