French letters

Posted by @ 12:35 pm on Thursday 31st January, 2013.

Recipe fer Disaster



  • 3 x Science
  • 2 or 3 x Maths
  • 2 x English
  • 2 x Humanities
  • 1 x language
  • 1 x sprinklin' o' Computin'



  • Take one meddlin' politician who won't listen t' reason
  • Give that politician the authority t' tinker an' meddle wi' the ingredients
  • Ensure that the politician gets everythin' really mixed up
  • Half-bake the mix until it all goes tits-up
  • Give the creation a fancy French name that many minnows won't be able t' spell anyway
  • Feed it t' many thousands o' schoolkids
  • Wash yer hands o' all responsibility
  • Reassign the politician at the next Cabinet reshuffle
  • Let the next Government clear up the mess


Well done, ye've just concocted the EBC, an inbred version o' the EBacc.

It doesn't look very good, does it? I imagine it'll taste bitter wi' a hint o' merde.


Where's the landlord when ye need that scurvey dog? The ornery cuss wouldn't stand fer all that foreign-soundin' rubbish.

If he e'er stood fer election t' Parliament, he'd get me vote  :-) 


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5 Responses to “French letters”

  1. AlaanR says:

    Al Murray fer PM. Ye'll be gettin' three lashes f' that, me lad! Have ye seen the size o' the cabin-boy's hornpipe? Without a doubt.

  2. BG! says:

    Sorry, Alan, I have t' disagree.

    The Pub Landlord would be perfect as PM but Al Murray wouldn't - accordin' t' Mark Monahan o' The Daily Telegraph, "... Murray be in fact a staunch, rather high-born Europhile wi' an MA in modern history..."

    I suppose it depends on yer take on how divided the united Europe really be.

  3. AlaanR says:

    I can't say that i am against European culture or peoples or vittles an' drink. I am nae a fan o' the political EU. The ornery cuss {Al} certainly be a clever lubber who i can actually listen t'. If we turn the Houses o' Parliament into an official pub then he would be an ideal PM. With Jeremy Clarkson as Minister o' Transport an' Ken Dodd as Chancellor o' the Exchequer. Fire the cannons! I'd like t' find a place fer Lord Coe in the new government. Locked up in the dungeons.

  4. BG! says:

    Sounds like a plan, Alan. An' hoist the mains'l! Walk the plank! How about Johnny Ball in charge o' Education an' Hugh Fearnley-Whittlingstick runnin' DEFRA?

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