Human shield

Posted by @ 12:09 pm on Tuesday 14th February, 2012.

The man came to read the meters this morning. While he was here he warned us that the JWs were doing the rounds. He's no great fan of them - if his job takes him to houses that the JWs have just left, the occupiers often refuse to answer their doors again lest they be subjected to second doses of anti-Satanism, so he has to wait a while and it puts him behind schedule.

Anyway, forewarned is forearmed...

Over the years I've used a wide range of tactics to be rid of the doorstep menace. Examples as follows:

  • I've tried reasoning with them;
  • I've tried their own tactic, trying to force my faith onto them;
  • I've answered the door bedecked with cameras, lenses and other photographer's kit, and told them to get upstairs to the bedroom and undressed quickly as they were over an hour late for the photo-shoot;
  • One time, when I was a student, I even invited them in. I plied them with much tea and coffee and kept the debate going non-stop for over five hours. Eventually they needed the loo, when I told then that it was broken they left in a hurry and never came back.

I could see them approaching the house... I rifled through the mental list of rebuffs that I've built up over the years but none of them seemed suitable... I'd have to wing it.

Then came the knock on the door. Why they always eschew the doorbell option is beyond me. Maybe it's too technologically-advanced for them? Who can say?

Anyway, I opened the door and drew breath in order to deliver the following one-liner:

"You've called at a really bad time - I'm in the middle of a training-course to become an evil fascist dictator, please go away!"

but the annoying sods took the wind right out of my sails - the woman said "Here's Harry, he has something for you" and proceeded to thrust before me a previously-concealed small reluctant-looking boy brandishing a copy of The Watchtower.

WTF? God-fearing adults using kids to do their evangelising in public? That's just plain wrong.

I was polite to Harry - I thanked him and declined his outstretched Watchtower. I gave his attendants short shrift and glared at them as they manoeuvred him to the next house in the row.

They'll be back. God help them if they're not protected by children.

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7 Responses to “Human shield”

  1. Geoff says:

    A few years ago a JW turned up on my door step on a freezing cold day in the pouring rain. He was accompanied by his tiny four year old daughter, who was shivering quietly in the background.
    I was so angry that, I can’t remember what I said to him, but it went along the lines of, he might be a sorry, sad, blind and bigoted religious zealot intent on saving me from my sins, but I was sure any reasonable god would think him better employed taking proper care of his child. I may have also said that if he or any of his likeminded friends ever showed there sorry arse on my property again I’d not be responsible for my actions.
    Strangely enough we had not seen any JW’s at our front door for about 5 years, until the other day, when two guys stepped on our drive and asking if this house was number 23A or 23B, when I replied 23A they apologised profusely for bothering us, saying they had been warned not to visit our house, and went back down the drive at a brisk trot.

    It looks as though I’m on their black list, so that’s me locked out of the afterlife then!

  2. alan.sloman says:

    I don't have a problem with most religions, really, other than those intent on blowing me up. But I *do* have a problem with them trying to shove it down my throat.

    But, surely taking small kids around, door knocking, could be construed as child abuse? If the kids are obviously suffering I would call social services and ask for their advice.

  3. Alistair says:

    A long time ago a couple of them came to my front door with the obligatory shivering child and asked me who I thought was the most inspirational person in the world. Presumably they had the appropriate Watchtower page ready to open and trump my choice but standing there in my simmet and Ron Hills I answered, with a mouthful of toast, "Billy Connolly". I smiled at the kid as they went next door.

  4. Mike Bell says:

    I tell them I'm a practising Catholic, and don't believe in Jehova.
    Then I tell them I'm going to det the dog on them if they don't get orf moi land.

  5. Bob Andrews says:

    Our small estate is now a "no cold calling area" However when I point this out they don't seem to think it applies to them! As far as I can see they are selling a service I have not asked for.

  6. Andy Jones says:

    Blimey - they've stepped the campaign up a notch the buggers

  7. Mark says:

    I find a simple "Not today thanks" and a closed door does the trick - but I can't remember being called on since I lived in Manchester many moons ago.

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