Parlez-vous NHS?

Posted by @ 9:01 am on Friday 6th January, 2012.
Categories: Rambling on...

 I just love forms...

especially when they're worded so well...


Now, let me think... would I ever do any of those things for 24 hours? Probably not, but the 24-hour drinking thing sounds interesting. Driving for 24 hours would be a waste of time and fuel seeing as I have no current plans to go anywhere far away. Carrying children as a defence against dizziness does seem to be an extreme therapy so I'm glad that I mustn't do that for a day and a night. Moreover, in the event of impaired judgement it's probable that I wouldn't lend any credence to any of these warnings anyway.

Oh, and the notion that a kettle is a machine is a tad daft, IMO.

Perhaps I'm reading these forms too literally.

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7 Responses to “Parlez-vous NHS?”

  1. Geoff says:

    Stef, didn’t you know that English is a minority language in parts of the NHS these days?
    But seriously, I hope you visit to the NHS is successful.

  2. alan.sloman says:

    I am getting blasé with hospital forms as I am convinced nobody reads them anyway. ON my last three trips in for a stay I have written: N/A against virtually every question and at the top of the form, in HUGE capital letters: "READ MY DOCTOR'S NOTES. IN THE MORNING: COFFEE, BLACK, 1 SUGAR, NOT BEFORE 9:00am. THANK YOU."

    Not a single person has ever questioned anything I have ever written on their useless forms.

  3. I must also admit to the general amusement I get out of of badly written documentation. It does get worrying though when its from such an important institution!

    I hope the visit is for nothing serious.

  4. Scott says:

    There's a bit of me thinks that if you're reading it really really literally, then the heading for the "four don't do's list" results in a double negative, making the activities on the list compulsory.

    Pedantry aside, I hope you haven't resisted the temptation to put in a right good answer to "How do you wish to be addressed?" 😀

  5. BG! says:

    I've decided that "NHS" stands for "No Hymn Sheets"...

    I went in for the preassessment this afternoon. The first session involved a nurse doing measuring, weighing, MRSA-swabbing and discussion of the items on the form. The second session involved some ECG-testing, details of the impending op and another discussion of the items on the form.

    Interestingly, each of the nurses had a different take on some matters. For instance, the form says that I'm not to smoke for 48 hours before the op. The first nurse's opinion was that I can't use nicotine patches/gels to get by, but that the whole smoking-cessation thing is bull5h1t anyway. The second nurse's opinion was that it's only the three or four hours prior to the op that have to be smoke-free, and that patches/gels during that period will be fine.

    So now I have three differing sets of advice. Does that mean that I can choose between them?

    The good news is that I have surprisingly-good results from the tests... BMI = 25, Sats = 99%, B.P. = 122/83 and Pulse = 72.

    The big day is January 25th, so the bad news is that there'll be no more fell-walking for me until February at the earliest.

  6. BG! says:

    Originally Posted By Scott
    ... I hope you haven't resisted the temptation to put in a right good answer to "How do you wish to be addressed?" 😀

    The preferred answer to that one was "Politely".

  7. Andy Jones says:

    "Do you read English" on a form written in English - and halfway down - priceless

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