Posted by @ 5:03 pm on Monday 16th May, 2011.

Today's top news stories...


In a freak accident at the weekend a Midlands woman managed to fall out of a cardboard-recycling bag while squashing down the contents.
It was an impressive display of gravity overcoming gymnastic ability.
Luckily, the resident professional clean-up squad was on hand to mop up the mess when the loaded tea-tray was sent flying...

The offending recycling bag. The victim declined to be interviewed for this report, but is said to be "embarrassed".


In a totally unrelated incident, the same woman discovered too late the perils of not adding enough water to the breadmix...

The not-so-wholesome wholemeal "loaf".


GCSE exams started today after a weekend of cramming and intensive revision.
The five-week forecast predicts a sustained period of stress and angst,
this to be followed by a period of indecision and uncertainty and then a jubilant celebration before calm is restored...

Stress/Strain (Young's Modulus)


A middle-aged bearded man has been caught planning a wildcamping weekend in the Lake District.
When questioned by the authorities, he also admitted to being involved in planning a fishing, camping and coastal walking operation in Wales...

Archive picture.


There have been reports of a large wild black cat terrorising the neighbourhood...

Felis sedatum.


In a fitting tribute to the quality of Skoda cars, RAB passed his MOT again today despite "irregular" servicing and maintenance...

Archive picture.


And finally, the international news...

Reports have started coming in from the Task Force that set out across Scotland to marvel at the spread of wind-farms...

Scotland's Renewable Energy Policy in action (artist's impression).

In all probability, further details can be found by Googling "TGO Challenge 2011".
DON'T Google "TGOC" unless you have a strong constitution!

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2 Responses to “Bong!”

  1. Scott says:

    One of my many unpleasant recollection of exam time was that it coincided with the climax of the European Cup. And that was back in the days when there was hardly any live fitba' on the telly, so it was even more of a treat that revision meant you were missing.

    Needless to say, now that I can watch it, I hardly ever bother.

    Oh, and you think a dropped tea tray makes a bit of a mess? Did your "felis" vomit profusely all over your computer keyboard last week? Eh? Eh?

    Tell you this - up until then, I was under the impression that it was hard to get crumbs out from between the keys.

  2. BG! says:

    Originally Posted By Scott
    Oh, and you think a dropped tea tray makes a bit of a mess? Did your "felis" vomit profusely all over your computer keyboard last week? Eh? Eh?

    LOL - that's what you get for having cats that can open the fridge :mrgreen:

    Can't you train the dugs to keep the cats away from the 'puter? I'm thinking that the crumbs could be some sort of reward 8)

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