Archive for the 'Driveway-blocking feckwits and piss-poor parkers' Category

Skills shortage

Successive governments have told us that Britain needs to admit hordes of skilled migrant workers to do the jobs for which we have insufficient home-grown talent.

Clearly we don't train enough native parcel-posting parking-pricks, so we have to import people whose grasp of the English language, manners and road-courtesy leaves much to be desired. That grasp seems to be restricted to the words "I moving, yes?", mumbled in what sounds like a Carpathian accent, and delivered with a free scowl and no contrition. Apparently the skill of noticing huge vacant parking spaces to the left and to the right isn't mandatory:

Kudos for effort

It's an improvement of sorts:

At least she fully-blocked only my neighbour's ingress/egress, I had only her driver's side impeding mine.

To be fair, she put in way more effort than the two who visited here earlier...

I'd answered the front door to a bloke who, while looking straight at the adjacent number-plaque which bears a number that's clearly not 20, proceeded to ask me if this was number 20. If that wasn't enough lunacy, about a minute later he (I think it was the same bloke) had made his way up our side-garden path and was trying to get through our garden gate (the one that's marked "Private"), and when I went out of the back door to accost him for trespassing he proceeded to asked me the same question again! He was an estate agent. I was unamused.

And not five minutes later the postwoman dumped a pile of junk-mail through our door. She was unimpressed at being called back from the other end of the close for me to hand it all back to her. She claimed that she had not noticed our opt-out notice or the sign on our letter-box flap:

One of the junk-mails was from Specsavers, I recommended that she should keep it for herself but I think that she was so unobservant that she couldn't see the irony of it.

So, we've had a fair crop of eejuts already, and it's not even lunchtime. It doesn't bode well for the rest of the week.

Three strikes and he’ll be out

Posted by on November 24th 2017 in Driveway-blocking feckwits and piss-poor parkers

I must admit that I wasn't going to post the first of these pics back on 23rd October because the guy said that he was sorry and that he wouldn't obstruct my driveway again.

But he wasn't true to his word and his apology has been proven to have been empty - today he was back doing it again just as I was about to get in my car to back it out, so in addition to the withheld pic there's another one to accompany it.

Strike One:


Strike Two:

You give ’em clip-boards and lanyards, and all of a sudden they think they know Everything

Posted by on July 31st 2017 in Driveway-blocking feckwits and piss-poor parkers

Everything, that is, except where the arse-ends of their vans are.

This guy works for the Council so he probably really does believe that he owns the road:

Frank Barrett: A Study in Self-Importance

I was polite when I asked him to move it, as it had obstructed me getting in forwards and I was to be reversing out almost straight away.

But he said that he was only going to move it when he was good and ready, maintaining that his car was parked fine and wasn't in the way at all.

I tried to explain again but he was having none of it, he was too self-important, he said that I was in the wrong and that I must wait until he was finished!

And so it all kicked off. I'm nobody's inferior and I don't take that sort of shit from anybody. He'd lit the blue touch-paper.

I'll spare you the details but he was as good at being an offensive idiot as I was at being sure of my rights, which I know inside-out as I have to deal with this sort of malarkey almost every day.

I'm told that he phoned soon after to apologise for how he'd parked his car. But of course he was apologising to my neighbour, not to me.

Stuck-up idiot - can't park properly, can't apologise properly:

See - there was plenty of "safe" vacant space around the Close. There was even space for his car on the driveway of the neighbour who he was visiting.

But currently he's the President of the local bowling club, and apparently that means that he also owns the local roads and is answerable to nobody.

They say that there's no such thing as bad publicity, so...

here he is, showing off his medals:

Let's hope they weren't awarded for parking like a tw@t.

This post will only be taken down after I get a direct apology. A passed-on second-hand apology won't cut it.

Abandon Ship!

It was all going so well until Billy the Fish's younger brother hove into port and decided to moor up and go ashore without due regard:

Weigh anchor!

Or a suitable contraction thereof.

Six of the best

This is the sixth time this year that I've had words with the selfish freelance delivery woman who was driving this car. I don't remember how many times it happened before the start of 2017, but it was a significant number.

The only English word she seems capable of uttering in my presence is "sorry" but she still parks like a tw@t so it's pretty much an empty apology. This time I needed to get my car out to deal with an urgent family matter (carers had called me to attend to my mother-in-law who is seriously ill) and I couldn't keep my temper under control when I found that the freelance fuckwit had blocked me in (again) despite the huge expanse of parking space to her near-side.

I guess she's one of the highly-trained highly-qualified people who, we're told, we have to import from The Continent because we, the Ignored Indigenous, allegedly don't have the requisite skill-set. Well, for the right price, I too could drive/park like a pr1ck, eschew the native language, ignore the rules of the road and not give a flying f*ck who I upset along the way. And no, I'm neither racist nor sexist, I just believe that our road-rules apply to all-comers, there's no exemption policy. When in Rome...

From now on, she should be in no doubt as to the consequences of her self-centred attitude - if she didn't understand my words, my body-language and my gesticulations should have got the message across:

Not even trying

Parking with due consideration obviously involves too much effort for some:

Open door policy

Posted by on April 26th 2017 in Driveway-blocking feckwits and piss-poor parkers

Leaving the door open, with the keys in the ignition and the car blocking the road, is just asking for trouble.

Next time, I may well oblige.

I'd imagine that being a courier without a car would be a bit of a bind:



Good Friday, bad parking

Posted by on April 17th 2017 in Driveway-blocking feckwits and piss-poor parkers

When I was a kid I was given good advice about swearing, and it's advice which I passed on to my kids:

"Whatever you say, you must know what it means and how to spell it".

So, with no further ado, here is an example of such a spelling followed by a visual representation...




Yep, that's parked...

blocking the 2-way traffic, overhanging the crossing, obstructing the garden centre's pedestrian/trolley entrance/exit and blocking in at least 2 cars.

At least it has an appropriate reg. number!

The bloke next to the car isn't the driver/owner, btw, so I've blurred him. The woman who dumped the car was busy elsewhere and was therefore unavailable for her photo-opportunity.

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