Archive for the 'Lost in translation' Category

AMOEBA ALERT!

Posted by on April 13th 2022 in A bit of a rant, Lost in translation, Name and Shame

The Amoeba Squad has been out in force over the last few days.

 

On Sunday morning I ordered some timber from Wickes, it was a Click & Collect job, and checkout was via PayPal. I don't have an account with Wickes, so I assume that my contact details were gleaned from PayPal.

Wickes started sending emails regarding the order status, that's fine, but they also started sending texts... to my mobile AND to our land-line. Thanks to the amoeba that set up their digital communication algorithm, whenever I get a mobile text the land-line chimes in and we get an auto-woman reading out the text. It/she is hilarious - my order number 680432227 was "order - number - six - hundred - and - eighty - million - four - hundred - and - thirty - two - thousand - two - hundred - and - twenty - seven". Twats.

 

Next, and somewhat predictably, it was the turn of the Aldi Click & Corrupt service. As usual there were some subs for items not in stock.

We'd ordered Easter eggs, all allegedly in stock on Saturday night when the last chance to amend the order had passed, i.e. the point at which the card payment is authorised and the order becomes "firm". But when we arrived at noon on Sunday they'd run out of all the eggs that we'd ordered and for which we'd authorised payment. The reason given was that "they'd been flying off the shelves all morning". So, we can order and authorise payment the day before, but, the day after, someone else can buy them in-store and wipe out the stock, including our items which Aldi couldn't be arsed to reserve? That stinks.

In short, NONE of the eggs that we'd ordered were in stock, so their amoeba-powered algorithm had subbed the lot, and all of the subs were unsuitable:

 

 

The middle item/sub is a belter... I ordered the box of "Specially Selected Exquisite Belgian Chocolate British Birds Eggs" specifically for my Dad, as he's interested in such things, but Aldi thought it would be a good idea to sub it with A SLAB. WTF? In what way is that OK?

Fuck 'em. I rejected the lot.

 

You'd think that would have been enough, but no, there was more to come... the Amoeba Factor was still in effect...

Amazon's Subscribe & Save thing had decided that it couldn't get us any BarleyCup...

 

 

so it offered us this bizarre substitute:

 

 

We're bemused... in which universe is a dry snack bar a suitable replacement for a hot-drink powder?

I mean, I'm partial to a stiff drink now and again, but that's a tad too rigid for me!

Happy Easter!

CHURNed

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Yet again we see the Beeb playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order...

 

Let's look at the details...

The United Nations Human Right Council (on line 2) is a fiction, it should be the United Nations Human Rights Council.

The correct initialism for the United Nations Human Rights Council is UNHRC, not UNHCR.

The UNHCR is a different UN organisation, it's the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees.

CHURN is what the Beeb does to initialisms.

Him-sheet

This gem is on my SystmOnline Patient Record:

"her"? Who the fuck is "her"?

I'm not confident that a "Post-CCT Foot and Ankle Fellow" is the right person for the job, especially as it's as clear as day that ALJABI, Yasser (Mr) did not read/understand either the referral letter or my medical records - if he had done so, he would have noticed the following:

That's the NHS-standard-format label which is stuck onto hundreds of my NHS forms... LRI staff said that the "M" indicates "Male"

 

Those two info-bits are fairly obvious

 

Those three info-bits are for those skilled in the ancient art of reading sentences

 

If that one's not sufficiently gender-diagnostic, I don't know what is!

If ALJABI, Yasser (Mr) can't tell a man from a woman, it's a fair bet that he can't tell an arse from an elbow, let alone a shoulder from an ankle.

I would tell him where he can stick his response, but I'm not sure that he'd be able to work it out.

Freecycle

Posted by on December 22nd 2021 in Just for fun, LMAO!, Lost in translation
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Freecycle.

I like it because it brings out the best in people - kindness, generosity, environmental awareness etc..

I also like it because some of the drivel that people emit there is simply hilarious.

Here are some howlers from around here:

 

I'm fairly sure that vellum isn't the same as VELUX.

 

Have you ever wondered why Snoop Dogg sits strangely in those Just Eat ads?

 

I can't help thinking that rubbing down with sandpaper might achieve a better finish.

 

Moseley?

Wahing!

Posted by on December 18th 2021 in Bargains, LMAO!, Lost in translation

This is from the latest promo email from 7dayshop. It's been suggested that I order one of the Wahing Mitts just to see/hear what I get:

 

Duck or grouse?

Posted by on December 17th 2021 in A bit of a rant, Lost in translation, Name and Shame

Just had the advisory email for tonight's Aldi Click & Corrupt drive-by raid, and as usual there are some subs for items not in stock. Usually it's not an issue - we can live with 1x6 pints of milk instead of 2x4 pints...

But Chris, being a veggie, is up-in-arms over this:

 

 

And I have to say that I agree with her - there's a reason why people order veggie food, subbing with a meaty alternative is incredibly stupid and insensitive.

Clearly their product substitution algorithm has been coded by an amoeba.

That said, I like duck, so they'll not go to waste 🙂