Archive for the 'Illness and injury' Category

Recent additions to the F.A.K.

Posted by on March 28th 2014 in Illness and injury

A few changes t' the first-aid kit:

I ne'er bothered wi' a Styptic Pencil when I used t' wet-shave, but o' late 'tis been handy t' have around fer them there minor nicks an' scrapes on various bits o' me. Shiver me timbers, ye scurvey dog! Bein' on Clopidogrel an' Aspirin means that even the smallest cut can take o'er three hours t' stop bleedin', but one application o' this stick stops most leaks within seconds. Stin's a bit, though. Ye'll be gettin' three lashes f' that, me lad! Costin' less than two quid, weighin' only 12g an' lastin' fer many years, 'tis a worthwhile addition t' a first-aid kit regardless o' background afflictions.



I've changed tack on tick-removers. An' swab the deck! For years I'd been usin' a Care Plus Tick-Out, it were bein' good fer pullin' out the big ticks but iffy fer the tiny ones. Now I'm usin' the O'Tom Tick Twisters that I liberated from the cat's med-box, these babies cope wi' all sizes o' ticks an' be a lot easier t' use an' t' clean. Two sizes per pack, a choice o' colours, piss-cheap from the vet's, an' only 2g fer the pair! What's nae t' like?



The final one needs no explanation:


Fannying around

Posted by on November 21st 2013 in Illness and injury

True t' form, the Bookin' Centre staff managed t' intentionally fcuk-up yet again...

By the time we'd left the house this mornin', the thrice-promised letter o' appointment ha'nae been delivered. Undeterred, we turned up at Leicester Royal Infirmary well afore the time arranged durin' the phone call wi' "Christine" c/o the Bookin' Centre an', as expected, I weren't on the paper version o' the clinic's patient list an' me appointment weren't "live" on the computer. What were bein' on the computer were bein' a marker sayin' that I'd cancelled the appointment. Shiver me timbers! Have ye seen the size o' the cabin-boy's hornpipe? Hence no letter - in all probability it ne'er existed, it were bein' clear that the Bookin' Office ne'er 'ad any intent t' honour the arrangement.

I tell ye, I dern't know how I managed t' hold on t' any semblance o' fair speech. It were bein' yet another example o' totally bureaucratic bullshit that be spouted regularly by some o' the lyin' feckers in the bookin' Centre, in particular the notorious "Christine", who no doubt attended the same School o' Incompetence as Mr, to be sure. Andrew Miller, the consultant who did me op an' who, after I'd been admitted t' the Emergency Ward a few days afterwards, misdiagnosed me condition as constipation an' discharged me wi'out treatment, sayin' that I should go home an' eat prunes!

Of course, today's fiasco weren't the fault o' the clinic's desk-staff, so I couldn't let rip at 'er. The winsome lass looked at the raft o' bumped/cancelled appointment letters that I'd taken along "just in case", understood me angst, got on the blower, an' somehow managed t' "slot me in". The winsome lass were bein' a true professional - calm, carin', apologetic an' pro-active - an' I thanked 'er accordingly.

The winsome lass told me that this meddlin' wi' the appointment system "happens a lot", that she took a lot o' flak fer it, an' that she thought it weren't a good way t' treat scallywags.

Hell, ye dern't say!

I won't bore ye wi' the fine details o' the consultation, suffice t' say that the consultant seems t' think that the treatment fer skin-tags isn't surgery, 'tis Imodium. Further t' that, I'm now awaitin' the results o' a blood-test fer, o' all thin's, Coeliac Disease, avast. It all sounds far-fetched t' me, I believe that they're clutchin' at straws an' that they're tryin' anythin' t' avoid havin' t' actually fix their mistakes.

And just t' add insult t' injury, I've been told that me anus looks like a vagina! Now that I CAN believe, an' I suppose it could explain why the NHS finds it so easy t' shaft me time an' time again.

It's a good job I've still got me sense o' humour, eh?


Posted by on November 11th 2013 in Celebrations, Driveway-blocking feckwits, Illness and injury

Well, 'tis been a while. There's nae been much t' blog about - no epic days on the hill, no gear-testin', no firm plans fer much in the way o' outdoorsy-stuff.

Our bonfire party went well on Saturday. I would have taken etchins but due t' the lower-than-usual turnout o' responsible adults I were bein' stuck on firework-ignition an' bonfire-stokin' all night so the camera stayed unused. Our o'er-the-sea neighbours donated a huge pile o' privet from their garden-clearance, it lasted a good five hours an' the fire-pit be still aglow two days later.

The cardiac rehab folk at Glenfield Hospital be on the ball - we've already been t' an introductory lecture about CHD an' I have a couple o' appointments comin' up: one t' arrange a suitable physio regime (although they seem t' think that me current levels o' exercise an' exertion be above an' beyond what their usual patients be expected t' achieve) an' there be a follow-up wi' the cardiac consultant booked fer the start o' 2014. Indeed, they've been chasin' me on the phone t' make sure that I'm goin' t' attend. Fetch me spyglass! It's a slick system, they're real pros an' they treat me as a human bein'.

Sadly, the same can't be said o' the staff o' the Bookin' Centre staff Leicester Royal Infirmary where they're desperately avoidin' havin' t' fix me arse after they wrecked it back in January 2012, an' where I'm just a number t' be juggled t' make their stats look acceptable, nae a person who they've made virtually unfit fer employment.

I saw a brilliant Functional Bowel Service Specialist Practitioner (SP) back on 20th June, she taught me how t' exercise specific muscles an' insisted on a follow-up appointment no more than two weeks later because if I weren't doin' the exercises correctly I'd be doin' more harm than good. Before I left the consultation we'd arranged fer the follow-up t' be on the 4th o' July, an' she'd made the appropriate entry in 'er diary.

Just two days afore I were bein' due t' go in, the Bookin' Centre staff phoned me t' bump me appointment t' 5th August, an' lied t' me about the reason why. My protestations an' explanations o' the medical need went unheeded, an' when I explained the situation t' the SP in August she were bein' livid when she found that I'd been told that she'd nae be on site on 4th July - she showed me 'er diary which clearly indicated that she'd been on duty on 4th July an' that some lyin' sod at the Bookin' Centre 'ad told 'er that I'd rearranged me appointment!

I left that consultation wi' the promise o' an appointment wi' a colorectal consultant within the next month, an' true t' 'er word the SP managed t' get me booked in - I received a letter, dated 15th August, detailin' an appointment on 25th September...

but on 19th August the Bookin' Centre bumped that t' 30th October...

an' then on 15th October they bumped it again, t' 26th November...

an' today I received a letter, dated 7th November, tellin' me that they 'ad cancelled that. Not bumped, cancelled. There were bein' no explanation other than "due t' unforseen [sic] circumstances..."

And they wonder why me blood-pressure be so high!

They can expect me t' be in touch soon, an' they'd better have a damned good explanation o' what's goin' on. One more bump or fcuk-up an' I'll be namin'-an'-shamin', first in front o' the Trustees, an' second, if necessary, here on me lowly blog. Yaarrr!! Yaarrr!! Oh, an' likely on a few choice online forums too.

I tell ye; come the revolution, the liars among the Bookin' Centre staff will be first against the wall.

Second against the wall will be the Macmillan Nurse who, despite havin' numerous options fer sensible parkin', insists on obstructin' me driveway whenever she visits our neighbour:


A hearty breakfast

Posted by on October 4th 2013 in Illness and injury

Well, the NHS does keep goin' on about us needin' "5 A Day":




Posted by on September 12th 2013 in Illness and injury

Yup, I'm back on topic...

That piles op back in Jan 2012 - remember that, an' the aftermath o' it? Aarrr! Well, 'tis still givin' me hassle. I've nae been able t' exercise properly since the op because it makes the rear-end swollen an' dysfunctional. Aye, I've 'ad the odd good day in the hills but I've always paid fer it durin' the followin' week.

Eventually they sent me t' a bum-physio who taught me how t' retrain the damaged/wasted muscles down there, an' dinna spare the whip! Fire the cannons! They needed t' be sorted afore the NHS would even consider any further corrective surgery. I won't list the number o' times me appointments were bumped, suffice t' say that I ain't happy about it an' that me next consultation (t' arrange the removal o' the large skin-tags an' the repair o' the muscle-damage, both o' which resulted from the original op) were bein' t' be on September 25th but they've already bumped that t' October 30th.

So... Break out the biscuits 'n weevils! Fire the cannons! consequences...

My inability t' maintain a proper exercise regime fer well o'er a year has left me seriously unfit. Fire the cannons! I di'nae read much into the achin' torso thing when I went up Moel Siabod in July, I thought I were bein' just lackin' in the oomph department, an' an occasional minute or two o' rest combined wi' a slackenin' o' the pack-straps allowed me t' keep goin'.

Fast(?)-forward t' three weeks ago an' I were bein' strugglin' on the flat. We were at a wood-craft fair, it were bein' a very hot day an' again I di'nae pay much attention t' meself. After a beer an' a sit down in the shade I felt better, I put the whole affair down t' the unseasonal hot weather, me unfitness an' the need fer the hydratin' effects o' real ale.

A week later an' it were bein' clear that somethin' were bein' wrong. Cuttin' the hedges became a task punctuated by rests an' cups o' tea. The sharks'll eat well tonight, avast! I thought that the achin' in the arms an' chest were bein' due t' the efforts o' wieldin' the nae-so-lightweight electric trimmers, but I followed the advice o' all an' sundry an' took it easy fer a few days.

Aldi 'ad some Blood Pressure Monitors on sale so we bought one, just so that I could keep an eye on how me ticker were bein' copin'. The first few days o' readin's were fine (112/65, 80bpm fer example) but a few days later I took a readin' after tightenin'-up while doin' a bit o' leisurely gardenin' an' the pressure result were bein' a bit o' a shocker - 212/125!

I went t' see me doctor ASAP. The prognosis weren't good. The doc put me on aspirin an' nitroglycerine spray, an' put me down fer treadmill an' ECG tests at the local specialist cardiac unit.

And that's where I were bein' yesterday. They di'nae need t' do the treadmill test, the effect o' the walk from the boat t' the reception were bein' enough t' make the static ECG results conclusive: Stable Angina. Ye'll be gettin' three lashes f' that, me lad! Against all expectations the tests indicated that apart from the effects o' Angina I'm in really good nick fer a 51-year-auld smoker, wi' no respiratory or weight/fat problems at all. After a chest X-ray an' blood-tests I were bein' sent home wi' a big bag full o' meds an' the promise o' a coronary angioplasty wi' stent implantation(s) within a month.

Of course, cardiac problems always trump colorectal problems, so I doubt that me bum-doctor will do anythin' more until the ticker's sorted, which puts me in a Catch-22 situation where exertion be good fer one end but nae the other.

Of course, this might all be avoided if they'd properly managed me recovery from the piles op nearly two years ago, we'll keel-haul ye! I'd be back in the hills keepin' in shape instead o' gettin' progressively unfit t' the point where I've started t' fall apart.

I tell ye, gettin' up them there last five Wainwrights be provin' t' be more o' a challenge than the previous 209 e'er were :cry:

Are you s#itting comfortably?

Posted by on November 23rd 2012 in Illness and injury


It's time fer another butt update.



I should have seen me NHS consultant in July but, due t' NHS cutbacks an' issues wi' fundin' it turned out t' be in October, an' a bottle o' rum! Yaarrr!! Obviously there were bein' no point in discussin' the results o' the Mebeverine trial, as I'd finished takin' that stuff several months afore. The long an' the short o' it were bein' that me consultant 'ad done all he could fer me, an' I were bein' bein' referred t' a different specialist, an' I were bein' given a choice o' two - either the consultant who actually butchered me arse (an', the weekend after, discharged me from an emergency ward wi'out examinin' me) way back in January, or a consultant that I'd nae met afore. I chose the latter.

While in that hospital yesterday gettin' me Dad repaired I took the opportunity t' chase an appointment wi' that new consultant, I'll warrant ye. I came home armed wi' his name an' number, an' today I were bein' on the phone t' his secretary tryin' t' get somethin' sorted out.

The winsome lass confirmed that although no appointment 'ad been made, the new consultant 'ad agreed t' take on me case an' "a letter 'ad been registered". Yaaarrrrr! In other words, he be sent a letter t' his appointments admiral askin' 'er t' arrange an appointment fer me. That's as far as it went. I explained that me condition were bein' gettin' worse rather than better, an' I were bein' passed o'er t' said appointments admiral.

That turned out t' be an interestin' conversation. Apparently they need t' see me in the Functional Bowel Clinic. I can't have an appointment until the clinic managers find time t' fit me in, an' they can't fit me in because they have a...


wait fer it...


be ye ready?





I must admit, that did make me chuckle. It were bein' a great choice o' terminology.

And then the chucklin' hove to. It's no minor backlog. Ye'll be sleepin' wi' the fishes! They're still makin' appointments fer folk that should be seen in APRIL!

Which, o' course, means that I have at least eight more months t' wait until 'tis me turn.

Eight more months o' unpredictable sessions o' thrush, pain an'/or bleedin', eight more months o' alternatin' betwixt incontinence an' constipation, eight more months o' unnecessary hassle.

Fellwalkin' an' so on will have t' be risked rather than enjoyed. Wildcampin' be a no-no.


Let me be the first t' wish ye all a Happy New Year.


Posted by on November 22nd 2012 in Illness and injury

Top tip

Be careful on the stairs when gettin' ready t' leave home fer a routine ten-minute hearin'-aid repair at the hospital.


 One blunt trauma, one 10mm laceration, one fine black eye an' one workin' hearin'-aid.
Followed soon after by two layers o' suturin', at least five visible stitches an' three unplanned hours in A&E.


I've pixellated parts o' the image t' protect me Dad's identity.



I should add that both service an' patient-care were excellent - only a short wait fer assessment an' then a fast-track through X-ray, vision-testin', proposed treatment second-opinion, final treatment an' discharge. Fire the cannons! An' hoist the mains'l! The doctor an' 'er trainee were in almost constant attendance throughout, an' they did a fine job.


Posted by on November 12th 2012 in Illness and injury, Just for fun

I'm thinkin' o' givin' this stuff a try:



I bet it'll taste awful. Bitter, I'd imagine.

Shouldn't "Nit Pickin'" be hyphenated?

My legs are grey, my ears are gnarled, my eyes are old and bent.

Apologies fer the lack o' regular posts. Walk the plank! Stow that bilge, Bos'n! I fear that I'm becomin' a virtual hiker...


Outdoorsy stuff

For me 'tis all on hold after the latest consultation. The expert reckons that I might have t' wait another six months fer me insides t' heal fully, only then will they consider a further procedure t' remove the tags an' piles that were caused by the original op. Any exertion aggravates said tags, leadin' t' inflammation, infection an' blockage, this means that I only get limited exercise which in turn has led t' significant muscle-loss an' a reduction o' core body strength. I'm now so unfit that wieldin' the vacuum-cleaner fer only 10 minutes on Wednesday resulted in me strainin' me back an' now I'm confined t' quarters an' poppin' the Ibuprofens. Looks like our week in Skye later this month will be a sightseein' tour rather than an opportunity t' assault some classic ridges an' peaks.



Well, I have plenty o' time t' watch the events on the box as I'm pretty much a captive audience, avast. Anna's down The Smoke right now on a school-trip, she were bein' in the basketball arena this evenin' watchin' Team GB v France an' Team USA v The Czech Republic, where the Beeb's camera caught 'er an' 'er maties doin' their bit o' a magnificent Mexican Wave. Shiver me timbers! After overnightin' at Eton College she'll be spendin' the mornin' in Greenwich Park watchin' the equestrian events.



I have plenty o' time fer this too, but the weather's been naff at night. On the odd occasions when 'tis been cloudless the jetstream has been playin' havoc wi' the seein' - the last time I imaged the Moon it looked like someone were bein' pourin' water o'er it:




Hailstorm damage

The Loss Adjuster's been around an' we have agreed terms. We've already been paid out fer damage t' the outbuildin's, primarily because I'd done the pricin'-up meself, but we're still waitin' fer builders t' provide quotes fer the repairs t' the house roof an' the windows. There's so much property damage around here that we're on a long waitin'-list fer repair-work, we're lookin' at mid- t' late-September at the earliest.


Ah well, ne'er mind, thin's could be worse.


Posted by on July 15th 2012 in Illness and injury, Just for fun, Pics

Compare the Meerkats:


 A sad victim o' last month's hailstorm

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